Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry - Part 1

After our marriage conference, Joycegina and I hopped in the car, crossed the border into the U.S. and headed for Princeton NJ. I was on my way to the Princeton Forum on Youth Ministry. It is an annual event hosted by the Presbyterian church. It proved to be a conference that was not something I expected (I'll delve into that in a minute), but one that was truly timely and refreshing for me.

I have a lot of pictures and information for this blog entry, so I decided to divide it into two separate entries. I'll just comment on the pictures and tell the story of the conference as they appear. Some explanations will be longer than others, but, as always, I have a plethora of thoughts to get you thinking too : ) I encourage you to read everything here so that you know what I've been pondering and learning, especially if you are a member of Calvin CRC. However, if you just like to get to the punch line, I will include a brief summary of my thoughts at the end....but at least look at the pictures eh! : )

So, read on with me, will you!!

It was a 7 hour drive from Niagara Falls to just outside of Princeton. What a drive it was. Here I am concentrating on driving.

We entered a couple of different mountain ranges as we travelled. You can see one of them off in the distance.

The sun was setting and here we saw a beautiful mountain in front of us. We traveled through Scranton, PA on our way there. It reminded me of a song by Harry Chapan having to do with a trucker who crashed at the bottom of a hill and mashed up his truck load of 30,000 of bananas. Seeing Scranton in the valley as we did, and driving that stretch of highway, I can see how that could have happened.

One of the many hills to either go down, or climb. I love driving in the mountains. : )

We stayed just outside of Princeton at another hotel for Sunday evening, arriving at the Hyatt on Monday morning. A very nice place to stay. We would take a shuttle from this hotel to the Seminary. Once we checked in, we drove to the Seminary so I could register for my conference. As you will see, Princeton Seminary and University are just amazing!!

Here you see the inside foyer. We ate a continental breakfast each morning here.

Joycegina attended some of the chapel times, as well as some seminars. At other times she sat and read, or talked with people she met on campus. I still don't see how she is an introvert on her personality scores, as she seems to meet people so much easier than I do. Her goal was to read The Shack while here, but she only got through the first five chapters. The rest of the time she was touring, talking with people, learning about the history of the Seminary, etc.

We arrived in Princeton just in time to see the blossoms coming out on many of the trees. The aromas were just wonderful, and the blossoms beautiful, as you can see from this picture.

This is Miller Chapel. It's where we started our time together. When I registered for this Forum, I really didn't give much thought to what would be happening; I just liked the workshops. Not recognizing any of the speakers, or workshop leaders, I should have clued in that this convention might not be like the National Youth Workers Conventions I have been to in the past.

It wasn't. : ) As we walked into the chapel, the pulpit and the organ were the first things that greeted us. I thought to myself that this might not be the same sort of youth ministry conference that I've been to in the past, but was open to anything, so I sat and waited.

As people came in and filled the chapel, I also realized that I was an outsider looking in. Many people greeted each other warmly because they knew each other. Either they had been to this conference before, or knew each other because they were in ministry near each other, etc. I finally began to clue in that I was part of a denominational youth ministry conference, and that I'd have to adjust to the lingo of the Presbyterian church. It took a while, but I got some of it, eventually. : )

We began our worship time by being taught some choruses and hymns that would be sung during the opening chapel time. Many different traditional things were done but there was a great mixture of traditional worship and the freedom to express one's love for God. I was refreshed.

The worship team consisted of a small choir, accompanied by an organ or piano. Not a major Christian band, which I'm used to. As we began to sing, I noticed something. There was an energy in this church. The singing was sincere, full of joy, or should I say praise. I got goosebumps down my spine, which is usually a sign for me that the Holy Spirit is present and moving. This church was alive, dynamic, experiencing the presence of God. It was not what I expected, but isn't that where God often shows up? In the middle of the unexpected?

The preaching was amazing. A dynamic female preacher talked about community and how easy it is to not be connected in our techno savvy world today. You can get a lot of work done without actually talking face to face with someone (as I've been doing these past two days at home blogging and checking e-mails, etc.). The theme was relationships, relationships, relationships. Sound familiar? : ) But it is so important!

I thought about Calvin and how we have been stressing that theme over the past several years. I see us as pretty good at being relational with our church community. We offer opportunities for larger relational interactions with our fellowship dinners, Calvin camping times, small groups, etc. Our young people are very relational and they too do many things together. But it's a challenge in this wired society. There is still much work to do.

I know that there have been people who came to Calvin during my 6 years here, but are not here now because they simply couldn't find a connection point. There are many reasons for this, but the reminder to me is that we must be vigilant as a church community at all levels when it comes to relationships. They are the glue that holds a community together. I challenge you with this question, "Have you made any NEW relationships with anyone in Calvin over the past year or two? If not, why not?

Enough on that soapbox : )

It seems that we can't get away from people in Ottawa, even if we wanted to. In the opening chapel service, right in front of us, were three Canadian women from Ottawa. Go figure. All from the United Church. We got a good chuckle out of that.

Here is a close up view of the organ pipes, for those who like that sort of thing.

This is Stuart Hall. Built in 1876. A wonderful stone structure (they all are). All the seminars were held in this building.

An outside view of Miller Chapel.

Our meals were eaten in this dining hall. Nice and cozy.

I'll now spend a bit of time sharing the highlights of two seminars I attended on Monday afternoon.

My first was an extended seminar. Three sessions long - Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. It was entitled, "The Church as Family System." I admit that I don't always understand the concept of system's theory, so I took this course in the hopes of coming to a better understanding. It wasn't easy. The teacher was so opposite me, that I found it difficult to follow what she was up to. I'm a linear thinker....point A leads to point B, etc. She was WAY the other side. But, I managed to adapt as best I could. Here are the main points I took from this 3 day seminar:

• I am part of a system (many actually) within the context of Calvin CRC.

• The many different interactions within this system affect me, and I affect them.
• At times I'm an over functioner, and this can put me at risk within the system.
• Just because people share in the same activity, doesn't necessarily mean they share in the same outcome. (I found that one very interesting)
• Change in church is not always a comfortable thing and groups can get anxious when they don't know the game plan. At times I represent a new game plan, and I don't even see the anxiety I cause in that.
• During anxious times instinct overpowers intention.
• Common triggers to anxiety are - New Pastor(s), budget, music and worship. When asked if most churches want to be well, or learn how to work through the anxiety, most churches say NO by their action or inaction.
• Tension is okay, but needs to be handled. "When all think alike, no one thinks very much."
• Many people can leave the system, but often they don't leave their pattern of behavior (becoming church shoppers).
• I've been guilty of triangulation (occurs when I talk about another instead of to that other). Not a healthy thing, but happens A LOT in a church context.
• My conflict style is "Compromising" as things move forward, and in the heat of a conflict I can either "Avoid" or "Accommodate". I didn't find that surprising, but also need to continually work on that area, as I tend to shy away from conflict situations.
• Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing him/her self.
• Stay connected to the most resistant parts of the system. I need them.... they ground me.
• One wise teacher has suggested that any group has a natural tendency to try to get the leader to over function; to take responsibility beyond what is reasonable. Resist the temptation!
• Take the path less traveled, but bring plenty of underwear!! (A classic saying).
  All in all a challenging seminar for me, but lots to ponder and think about as I continue to interact in the systems of Calvin CRC. The next seminar was entitled "Lifecasting - Teens Fishing for Intimacy in a Sea of Technology." An awesome seminar. Here are the highlights:
• So much change in technology has occurred over the past 20 years.
• Internet has evolved. Today 93 % of teens use it and 68 % have broadband at home.
• WWW - World Wide Web is now with us - 90 % of teens are using it.
• Cell phones - 3.3 billion subscribers today. Many of them teenagers.
• Instant Messaging now exists and 68 % of teens are using it.
• Blogging has started (hmmm, interesting : ) ) and today 28 % of teens have their own blog. 49 % of teens are reading them.
• 65 % of teens are using Facebook or Myspace.
• Teens today are among the LOWEST users of email (that's why they always tell me they didn't get that email......got to use Facebook more often I guess).
• 26 % of today's teens get religious information online.
• 97 % of teens have more than 20 hours of screen time a week.

1. Teens are changing technology.

• They are turning it social, not just using it for information.
• Text messaging was not intended for what it is being used for now. Cell phone companies realized the potential and made it possible.

Teens want a "faced" society, not a "faceless" interaction. Face to face interactions can be faceless (shallow, no real conversation, people don't really know each other, or want to). Texting, MSN, etc., allow teens to go deeper, even without seeing someone face to face. Teens want to have someone who will 'know what it's like to be me".

Texting is one way that teens feel that people build genuine relationships (I've seen this in action many times) and so they use it as a means to have others "know what it's like to be them".

The church is supposed to be a place of the "face." The challenge is to find ways to be "qualitative" and "creative" in "communion", not just connected. These words are packed with meaning.

Intimacy used to be through love and care. Now, it's through exposure - something known as "sexting". Ask me about it sometime if you want to.

2. What are teens using technology for now?

• The search for intimacy, entertainment, and participation.

• Facebook has become a powerful instrument in all three of these, but the discussion isn't about Facebook.
• The discussion is about being a church community of the "faced". A place where communion happens, vs simple connections with people. There's that relationship, relationship, relationship theme creeping up again.

3. How is technology changing teens and affecting the church?

• Extended identity - being online extends teens identities. They want a response from people. They change their profiles on Facebook often to see how people will respond (it's true, though I don't do that).

• Belonging - teens belong when they feel they are known and can participate.
• For my generation, we still think in terms of institutions and how much we value them. Teens don't think institutional.
• Teens want to be seen and acknowledged..... so where are teens seen and acknowledged in church? I think we are doing a much better job at that in Calvin than we have in the past, but there is still work to be done.

• Teens want to know people who are real and vulnerable - how often does that really happen in the church context? How often does that happen with youth and other generations together? There's work to be done here for the church. Youth are doing this online with each other without much problem.

4. Faith online:

• Teens have moved from knowing to experiencing
• They have moved from having a faith to wanting to participate in it
• They see God as much slower than email or MSN. He's a long distance God in many ways. They want to see God present in the Body of Christ.

5. Implications for Youth Ministry

• So what does all this mean for Youth Pastors like me, and the church as a whole?
• YP are so taken up with technology, the church needs to offer them a different kind of intimacy and rythm to life.

• Life can pass YP by with all the technology out there.
• We need to talk more about proper intimacy in their lives.
• We need to encourage accountability in their lives when it comes to technology
• We need to practice deep face to face interaction with teens- communion
• We need to communicate with kids via the technology they are using (I'm getting better at that, though texting is something I've been shying away from....).
• We need to encourage families in ministry and do more family ministry. Youth ministry is more about family ministry that we realize (amen to that one !!)
• We need to change the church. It needs to be more communal.

A very good seminar for me to attend. It affirmed some things I'm doing well right now, and provides challenges for myself as I enter into another season of youth ministry.

What better ways are there to do youth ministry?

What impact would more family ministry have on Calvin and youth ministry as a whole here?

How does, and will, technology affect the spiritual growth of teens?

Stay tuned as I ponder more.

Between seminars Joycegina and I walked around the seminary grounds. Here is the original building of Princeton Seminary. It used to house the students, faculty, and classrooms. It has now been converted into dorms.

Tuesday morning we began the day back in Miller Chapel. Joycegina and I missed the opening songs, but arrived just in time to hear the Pastor again. Another great sermon was delivered.

Her theme was "How do we love ourselves?" She gave two opposite examples. One was about a church that had a boy with AIDS, and how the church ignored him, but the world helped him out. The second was about a Christian high school football team that showed love to its opponent: a football team from a youth detention centre. Powerful polar examples. A reminder that love should be a verb.

My first seminar of the day was entitled "Self-care & the realities of ministry."

Some of the highlights I gleaned:

A time to REFLECT:

How much am I doing vs being?

I took a brief look at a typical work week and discovered I work A LOT! I know that it's mostly b/c I do really enjoy it, but I was also reminded once again that the church is not necessarily going to be the one to make sure I'm healthy mentally. They are going to be glad I give 110 % because the work gets done, but that is not necessarily a good thing for me.

Boundaries are necessary. A good reminder. I don't feel out of whack or anything, but could probably use a bit more balance in life. Even my hobbies at times seem to be related to youth work (i.e. coaching volleyball at the Christian high school). These things do energize me, however.

We were handed a self reflection and self evaluation tool that I'll be doing sometime soon. Some very good questions in it.

A time to REPENT:

We took some time to contemplate our lives at present, and then come up with one thing we would do differently upon our return. For me that ended up being two : ). More times with God in the quiet, and more time reading (not my strong point).

A time to REBOOT:

We took some time to see how our current practices will affect our future work. I realized that I am energized the most through doing youth ministry and family ministry. The other aspects of my ministry work are not as energizing for me. I also realized that because I enjoy my work so much, saying NO is something I have to think about doing a bit more often. : ) A good time to reflect on my present work/ministry situation.

My second Seminar was entitled: "Saying No is Not Enough: Sexuality, Teens, and Religion." I went to this seminar because Joycegina and I met the presentor over dinner the day before. I was scheduled to do another seminar in this time slot, but as we talked, I was intrigued by what she had to offer in the area of the church and how it handles that tough issue of sexuality. So, I silently switched seminars. : ) Some things I picked out of the presentation were:

• Just having the church say NO to premarital sex is not enough.
• The church needs to provide accurate information in this area, as often times the [public] schools, and yes, families don't.
• The church needs to address how to build positive relationships with the opposite sex and get teens to take responsibility for their actions with them.

I didn't quite agree with all she had to say on the subject, but it was a good seminar to remind myself that the church also has a role to play in the area of sexuality. I've often let that one slide. I'll now let you take a moment to grab a coffee, go to the bathroom, or simply look at part 2 another day. There are some great pictures of the seminary, university and their "chapel". Go on, check out Part 2..... : )